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Tips to Keep Your Relationship On Track After Bub Arrives

Once the romance of your baby’s arrival wears off, every couple is left with the same challenges. Life changes in ways that we could never have predicted, and with that comes changes in your relationship. Your relationship, the one that’s culminated in the creation of another human being, still needs to be nurtured – probably more than ever, now that you share a child.

There are many things to consider when it comes to cultivating your relationship after you’ve had a baby. Sleep deprivation, stress both emotional and financial, the focus shifting from the two of you to your baby, and the all consuming business of looking after a helpless human being all make investing in each other a challenge. While these hard things are easily compensated by the joy of your new baby, it is still worth making the effort to keep things on track.

1. Commit to working on it

If both you and your partner make a promise to each other that you will continue to invest in each other, even when everything feels hard, you will have won half the battle. Recognising from the outset that there will be challenges will make it much easier to navigate when those challenges arise.

2. Share the Hard Stuff

Make it clear that you expect an equal contribution from both of you or work out what you’re both willing (or not willing) to do, so your expectations align with the realities of your day to day life. If you cook dinner but you expect your partner to wash up – be clear about it. Come to some sort of arrangement that is acceptable to both of you, otherwise one or both of you will have to deal with a simmering resentment. Recognising each other’s contribution is a great place to start.

3. Invest in Intimacy

As a mother, when you’re covered in drool and smelling like breast milk, the last thing you’ll probably feel like doing in jumping under the covers for some steamy sex. Not just because you don’t feel that sexy, but because you’re tired, maybe still recovering from the birth or you just want some down time. Investing time in sex and the intimate side of your relationship is really worthwhile, even when it’s the furtherest thing from your mind.

It’s important to remember that you are a couple, and to keep it that way you need to do things that couples do. That doesn’t just mean having sex, although that is part of it. It means being kind and gentle with each other, being flirty perhaps, doing intimate things such as having a bath together or giving each other a massage. The sex side will unfold naturally if you continue to be intimate with each other.

4. Communicate

Communication is the key to any relationship, even more so when there is so much going on to distract your from each other. If the balance of home duties is bothering you, raise it with a view to resolving it. If you feel you’ve lost the intimacy of your relationship, talk about it so it doesn’t become the elephant in the room. If you’re especially grateful to your partner for something they’ve done, or just because of who they are – tell them. Communicating about the good and the bad, while navigating this massive life change will keep you connected.

5. Schedule Some Baby-Free Time

You don’t need to go out to have a date night. But if you do have access to a baby sitter, book them in so you can feel like your pre-baby selves again. It might only be an hour, however long it is it will be worthwhile. You can talk to each other uninterrupted, you can go back to what connected you as a couple before you started a family. If you don’t have a baby sitter, make it happen after the baby goes down the night. Light some candles, turn off the television, have a glass of wine or enjoy a hot chocolate. Differentiate the night, from other standard nights at home, so you can be together as you were before you became parents.

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